


Turn Your Face

by SarahWritesThings



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/M, Light Angst, Post-Episode: 02e25 Resolutions, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 05:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahWritesThings/pseuds/SarahWritesThings
Summary: Chakotay's perspective on the seven year relationship that never really happened.Inspired by Little Mix's song of the same name.





	Turn Your Face

_in my memory, they're still burning, the fingerprints you left_

In so many ways, life would have been easier is New Earth had never happened. They crew would have saved months of travel, no one would have been injured in the battle with the Kazon, and it wouldn’t be like _this_.

They hadn’t had a relationship, per say. Just as a glimmer of something more, before the comm badges had chirped, calling them back to their lives on Voyager, and called Kathryn back to her Captain’s chair.

Just like that, their walls were torn down and put back up all at once. It had been particularly comical for B’Elanna to find him in the cargo bay, staring at the pieces of their home together and laughing, at least until the tears had been formed from something else entirely.

_I always meant to say to you “I can't”_

He wasn’t sure what was harder, leaving her Ready Room at the end of their shift or leaving her quarters at the end of an evening.

The dinners had been her idea, after a few weeks of gentle reminders from the Doctor that she had to eat regularly, even when she was on duty. He had suggested the mess hall, but she had insisted that she didn’t want to intrude on her crew’s off-duty hours.

A more reasonable man might had said no, realizing that a few hours alone in her quarter would be enjoyable and destructive all at the same time, but it had soon become a weekly occurrence, and he could never find it in himself to turn down her invitations.

_so now what's your excuse? what do we have to lose? since I'm already losing you_

Voyager had made it through, just like they always did, but then there was a drone and a large chasm between them. One seemed more easily rectified than the other.

Kathryn had made it clear that Captaincy left her no room for anything more in her life, and the recent adventure seemed to prove it to her. The fury in her eyes had been jarring to see, but he had believed in what he was doing, and she knew that.

They had avoided each other for a while. Maybe she was finally feeling the pain of being near each other, but never _with_ each other. Maybe she always had.

Somehow the bridge felt even lonelier now.

_walk away until you're not standing at my door, turn your face, walk away and stay_

There was so much irony in the situation, they had made it home, Kathryn was about to relinquish her control as Captain, and now there was so much more separating them. Seventy years had turned into seven, and, somehow, someday had turned into never.

When his door chimed, he had been staring at the content of his quarters, wondering if he should start packing now, or if Starfleet would leave them on the ship while they argued over semantics.

To be honest, he had expected it to be Seven at the door, realizing that her fears of making it home needed to be addressed head on. What he wasn’t expecting was Kathryn, wringing her hands, as if she hadn’t just guaranteed her place is every space travel history book.

He gestured her in and asked, “are you alright?”

For the first time in seven years, she looked completely lost for words. He decided not to rush her, and it took a moment her to finally pull words together.

“We did it Chakotay. We made it home.”

“You did it, Captain.”

“No, _we_ did it.”

They locked eyes across the room, the air full of all he was working to force aside.

He pulled himself away and turned back to his ‘organizing’. “You have to know that no other Captain could have done what you did.”

He heard her chuckle behind him, but refused to let himself turn back to her.

She conceded, “fine, _the crew_ did it. Every person on board has given their heart and soul to getting home, and we were successful.”

“Successful….” He sighed, feeling, not the first time, that he’d rather they were still in the Delta Quadrant. At least out there he knew how his life was going to play out, even if it was a life of dangerous never-ending travel.

“Chakotay….”

“If you don’t mind, Captain, I should get some work done.”

She scoffed. “There is no work to do.”

“I’ll find something.”

Silence. A new understanding. It had been a long time.

“If that’s how you feel.”

He glanced over his shoulder, but turned away just as quickly, unable to watch emotions slide over her face. He heard her turn, then slowly begin to make her way towards the door, her feet dragging a bit more than usual.

“Kathryn?”

“Yes?”

He paused, working to maintain his self-control. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you….Commander.”

**Author's Note:**

> I will now proceed to throw this fic out of my personal canon, because I refuse to believe in a world where Kathryn and Chakotay do not end up together and this feels way too final :D


End file.
